today morning werk morning ...8am o 6pm ..but get pay from 12pm to 6pm ...macam siak ..cant blame la ...ten all the way at hmm ..actuli goin out with my gf ...but sumtyme change ..i so piss off with my gf ar ..xpecially fiza n shila ...got bf cant reli forget abt gf siak ..the tyme dun haf bf ..pun tak macam gini ..i belive people changes ?!!im alway that gd ..no use ..im alway good to people ..i got notin bk in return ..i shld learn to b a bad women ..being good no use ..people like my own bf taking advantage oni ...feeling so fuckup siak ..with some of my gf ,my family n my bf ?!!!no usee ...all no use ?!!!fucking bullshit ?!!!y must im the one alway will be ther for them ..but not them b there for mi ...in this world no1 i cant trust ...trust myself ...only ?!!!my head very pain ar ..stress siak?!!!i just buy drink from below ..today ellysha want to drink ..but drink alone ..tak pasal ar..ellysha shld learn to b independent?!!!i belive i can do it ...wateva fuck it is ..i will fucking fight for my right ?!!!!!all my loves just making mi piss?!!!!!so piss?!!!hate it so much ...i goin to now ?!!!!hate it alot ...xpecially kau ?!!!jakpeng ?!!!!with no brain ..useless being a bf?!!!!!!dun call or msg mi ..pls...dun bother mi ..i wanna to b alone now ...i drink now ..kau nak marah ...gi la marah ...cant b bother anymore ..all tin i do no use ..i get notin in return ...suay ar?!!!!!!!suay !!!!

I knew that you would be the one who murders my heart again ...

but i wish u wont?!

u c la ..4day nvr mit siak?!cum my house bukan nak talk to mi or manje kan mi for awhile ..do his reseach oni ..ok nvm...after all tin he do ..11.40pm liao ..he told me wan to go bk ..ten awhile lata say lepak at my under blk for awhile ...siak la ..cum my house just to use interent for his reseach ..not mi ke ?siak la ..u my bf now siak ...sumore it a friday night ..2moro u not werking siak ...skool at 2pm je ..im tired macam mana pun i spent tyme with u siak...so i tell him no nid lepak ..i ask him go hm oni ..so he say why ..he say i attitude..wat siak ...he tin i wat siak ?!!so he salam mi n kiz mi ten he go outside ..he say cum we go dwnstair seat ..i say to him i dunwan ..ten he say knp ni ..so i say i feel macam sial la ...this n that he go ...ape lagi i close my door la ...angry siak ...fuck ar.!!!after awhile he msg mi ...he told mi that nvr mean to make mi sakit hati ke rasa macam sial..but its ur inner feeling that control u..pasal tak msg..he say he reli forget ..u also got like that b4 ..pls ..jgn fikir ape2.dun let the inner feeling control u ?!!u c wat fuck he msg ?!!!i told him ..it not just because msg oni ...alot of tin more ar...n i tell him tin is not the same b4 i patch with him ..after like that ...not reli concern about mi ,cal,msg n mitup..i remember how tired i also will mit u for awhile ...!!!grr!!actuli lily ask to mitup but i say i tired ..but tot also spend tyme with him ..but turn out like that ...i just fucking hate his word sori ..ape2 for him sori ...the easy word he use ..so he msg mi bk kan dah cakap it ur inner feelingS..he say he ask mi to sit below but i dunwan...haiz...n msg mi say he at aiman already ..baik kape ..best ar..i msg him things happen u alway treat easy..i say jus make it im inner feeling..say much oso no use ...still will treat notin happen..i say nvm ..u go ahead wif ur fren n i dun wan to spoil his mood ...sial la ..no reply la siol??!!wTF sial!!!this kind BF first tyme i c on my own eye n i got it myself a bf like that ..?! nvm ...he just msg mi at 3.25am ...msg mi tell mi he rch hm liao ..haizz....kecian ...sial..sial..sial... i dunoe why sia...im feelin so fuckup in love life..Y things alway nvr go smooth for mi ..sum people say tin happen behind it have a reason ..sum people say mayb god is testin .. i feeling breakdwn for awhile ...nid a shoulder nw .hu i have nw ?..all alone in my room in the dark...u dunoe ?!!what ur mind thinking siak..what??what u reli wan from mi siak...tell mi ten i will know ..why must u alway make mi feel lonely wen im with u ..why ..?why siak ..people ard all got their happiness ..why cant i ? ..wen i here with u now ..u dun treasure it ..wen i go ?u findin a way to get mi bk ...wat the point?cum n go ...repeat n repeat again..i not that kind of gal who is patient ..but for the fucking sake for my future n my love ...i willing to learn to b 1..but i try ...but must u every tyme like fuck care in everytin ...dun u tin u r fucking selfish ..wat the tin now u not enuf ...even i n u not long ... wif u on n off afew tyme ..but this n like that it been 1year ..we being 2gether..N u noe tat u r the one i can feel bit love..i cant b that perfect i noe ..n i cant be that kind of girl u looking for ..bt we r bk now ..i noe u told mi b4 ..normally kalau org nak macam tu,nanti drg dpt lain..so everytin is different..im sori to make u dissapointed.. im not the level girl that u can ask much..there lot peeple better ten mi ..im just can admit im normal..but i still try to b better n else ..but in ur eye i see..it just like fuck care..if want to give in ,i will still tahan ..i dun scare hard..even how hard is it ..as long as u happy..can workup im ok with it ..but how ten u can happy ?..tryin to love u ,inside mi feel tired n hard..im sitin here n tin wat shld i do ?now im with u ....tapi i feel like i dun have a bf ..cox the way u treat mi is just like my normal guy treat as a fren ..but in kissin n else of cox not with them ...u r my bf can b special abit or nt .is this asking for more?..i noe even the love toward u is not that much ..but i start to love u ..so u cant just fuckcare like notin like that..u know how to b jealous n tin bad abt mi sumtyme ..tis is a simply tin ..tak kan takleh kan ..notin is cannot ..if u will try ...remember the way u treat BECKY is becky ..ELLYSHA is ellysha...it reli very simple siak ...dun make mi feel so tired..even u noe that u r the one only i can love ,but dun let mi feel that loving u,it a like breakdwn ..i nvr go on a love life like this b4..rabak like how oso nvr like that ...i know that bad tin abt mi is alot ,u will say ...but wat abt my gd tin ?juz abit oni ..if reli tat everytin i do for u is notin ..tat list i know i already try my very best liao ..bcox i treasure everytin ..lazy to find sum1 new..to restart all over again ...is more tired actuli ..why cant we just compromise more ..dun b like that la ...wat the point of tryin hard ,if u wan tin to became like this ..im so tired of pretending everytin is ok tau ..i noe tat you would hurt mi again ...but i wanna to try ...cox now not same liao ...now ellysha dah cerai?!!!!!! i noe notin is impossible...try it or nt ..all is up to u ...if u really serious in this relationship i tin u shld know wat to do ... i feel dissapointed in my heart ,wen u r not here for mi ...i hope u appreciate wat i had done ... i dun wan to b dwn ...sobsob ...now 5am liao ..wan to sleep for awhile ..lata werk at 7.30am ar...c la becox u cannot sleep...grrr?!!nyte?!!!muack...

just now morning after werk at 8 am ...send my bro to take his transport ..after that go buy food for my baby ....so after all go bk i feed her eat n bath for her ..ten i went to sleep ...i tin i sleep ard ..9plus ar..if not my wrg lo ..so after that ..i msg to jakpeng told him that i wanna to kol him for awhile can ma ...so no reply from him ..so i just msg him again ..i say i jus go sleep oni ...n told him to wake mi up at 4.50pm ..nid to fetch my bro bk from skool ..ten nvr kol ..luckily i wake up myself...at 4.50pm ..if not die ..my bro sure fo sweep the floor again ..hahs?!after all ...went bk hm ten steam bun for my baby n my bro ...after let them eat ...tyme up ...start werk at 6pm ...do my werk lo ..after tat jakpeng kol...for awhile ..i say i werk la ..so awhile lata he msg mi say anytin he nvr reply it mean he sleep liao ..ten i nvr reply lo ..been 4day nvr mit him liao ..2gether bk afew day liao ...feeling no sercue..dunoe y oso ..likt not mush sms ,kol n mitup liao ..nvm la ..dun ignore je la ..he say he wanna to cum to my hm 2moro ..cox he nid to use internet for his reseach ...cox he lappy spoil liao ...he ask mi told my mum ..n i already tell my mum already ..anyway just now lily msg mi told mi she buy a baju same as mi at FOX ...erm ...ten she ask mi to call her ..ten after that call her ..ten she told mi she saw BECKY his xgf ...ten i say oh ..lily told mi that becky is the same size as mi ? but jakpeng told mi that becky more slim then mi abit ...mana satu ni ..so i ask lily again u sure or nt ..lily say she bigger then mi abit ...abit oni ..la ..actuli i got c her profile ..i c she like very slim siak ..dunoe la kan ..so lily ask her ..why her bf ...she laugh n dunoe..ten she say break liao ..last 2month ago ..so i say oh ..i dunoe why i just dun like the becky so much mayb bcox of she look dwn on mi or wat lo ..but c she like macam kecian pulak ..ah..dun care ...not my problem oso ..wat i can say it What's meant to be, will awlays find its way...sumtyme say much also no use ..plan also no use ..cox everytyme anytyme can gone...so just follow the flow...sumtin like ACTION SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.. oh ya..just now chattin with kecik on msn ...for awhile ..but can feel that he like sct with mi siak ...nvm la ..wat people wan to n react juz do la ..i already noe pun ..kalau im attach ..mostly lose my fren ...haiz ..takpe la ..can say much ...is krg punya choice..so juz follow it je ...feeling so lonely siak..alone at my room ...sian ar...im missin again ..wish u reli can b xinfu..
miss my gfS!!!!alot n alot ...?!!!muackZZzzzZZZ... siak la ...still got 4hour to finish werk ...haizz...so boring now very free notin to do ....sian ar?!!!haizzZZzzz...just hate this feeling lo ?!!!!bored ?!!!!

everytin restart all over again on 12/10/08..im back jakpeng again ...i tin people will b thinking ...why im bk with him again ..?! easy to say ...i feel there abit love when i with him ..im not that kind of girl who easy can throw my love out ...i n him being sumtyme liao ..alot of bad n good tin we had b4 ..his bad ,my bad?abit oni ..can ?his all la ..i noe alot of people dun agree mi to b bk with him ..cox scare that jakpeng still the same ...but i already give him this last chance..people do mistake ..it depend he repent or nt ...n he promise mi that after all tin settle ...he will not like the old jakpeng again ..so everytin is settle now ..so jakpeng im here reli giving u one last chance ..the reli last ...i hope wateva u do u tin first ...so now is a new chapter[ELLYSHA &AZHAR] ..bless mi ok my GF?!N im sorry to all my other fans.. that im attached now ..tank for being there for mi ..accmpy mi n else ...we can alway b fren ..am i rite?!but will not alway go out like last tyme...cox i dun wan this jakpeng to tin anytin ...if not sure fight ..so must compromise lo ..if not relationship wont workup..sumtyme i reli dunoe understan why i still wanna to be with him ...serious la ..dah mopeng ..dah ego ?!!haha...tak la ...wateva it is i dun care la ...i juz wan everytin go smooth that all ...do wat a bf job will do ...money ?i dun ask for u ..so dun worry okay ?!!hahs?!!jakpeng im so sori kalau im alway make u feel no confident in mi ..if u reli wish i can go long with u ..dun tin bad tin la ..wateva tin is it ...i know what shld i do ...i will also do wat a gf job ..hope there is no more empty promises..cant comfirm dun promise ..u know it ..i hate it ..about not saying i love you to u weneva u goin sleep ..it not i dun wan to say ...this kind of tin shld follow by heart ma ...wer can force am i rite...to b honest to you ..i will try to love u more n not becox of _ _ _ _...but u shld show mi
"THE GREATEST THING THAT YOU CAN EVER LEARN IS JUST TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN'' dun make mi feel lonely wenever i sit beside u ...erm ..anytin ..i will upload again ...tc my loves...?!!miz ya ..

last 2day ..tak jadi mit jakpeng ..so i stay at hmm..skali lily cal ..say lepak at jrg ...so i siap n mit her n tini ...that is the first tyme i tok to tini oso ...erm ...so far everytin ok la ..can get along ..she very friendly like us oso ..haha a...we got take 2 pic ..but masai ....haha ..i will upload soon ..