yesterday night went to westmall watch movie with him . after movie awhile later ..cum again ... he left mi behind again .. takpe .. i nvr even mention abt this so biar kan .. ada otak fikir kan....so after movie ..then he ..before he go i tell him kalau nak sleep at my place then sleep n i will goin to mit my fren at coffee shop .. he oni say nvm la ,cox im so busy with my fren .. i was like piss off abit ..so i join ice to drink ...after 1 to 2 hour he msg mi ...n i let him sleep over my place because of sum reason ..sometyme i reli hate siak when u trying to care n help .but the person wont tin abt it ,n just becox of sum matter and wanna to attitude siak ..i just dun understand this world still exist this kind of person ?!! RELi no brain !!im foolish la .. n i tin i hear he whisper to mi that after yesterday he will alway teman mi at night ..im happy but another side im ********..haiz...my fren ajak mi to st james tonyte...im still thinking siak ..shall i go ?HHhmmmMM... “TheOnlyEllysha.”

i tin is was a mistake to mitup n overnyte with him last nyte.. tin seen to be more complicated.. after the meetin i feel more worst ... yes i got hugg,kiss,lay on his chest,smell his armpit ,sharing blanket,his snoring..n i have a good sleep while his beside mi ..even is not like sleepin on his chest .. i reli feel so warm when his just beside mi .. n last nyte im was too ***** so we even did that .. i feel like it goin to happen like the past again ...i know is the past i actuli wanna to be sex partner with him ..but later on we go on together ..feeling those bit love out.cox i have biasa teman from him..N but now i dun wan sex partner anymoree..i dun want.. i reli feel so confusee now ... i reli dunoe wat should i do nowwww...what will goin happen soon .. i feel more upset ..i miss those teman from him ..whenever im alone, those listening ear ,those noise from we bth ,those helpin to do my werk,those waitin for him bk hm,those waitin him bk to eat together,those motor sound when he reach,those weekend in or out n else ...but i still cant forget the abt the tin he do it mi ..that is reli a very very special present i got it in my whole life from him .. im really scare being lonely...but i can say i reli dunoe wat to do lo... im sumone who dunoe how to decide..i hate this part of mi .. i reli nid teman n loveee..cox i scare of lonely..im alway try to give him what i can , try not to do tin that he dun reli like or what ,i give him shelter to stay, even try to give him those family love,cox i know he lax of love from his parent..that is why he say he own mi lot. he told mi his frens n parent dun understand n he himself also dun understand him ownself.. i told him b4 .. if he not gonna to sumtin abt it .. end up he making himself worst ...even the love from mi to him is not as much ,but i treasure everytin .. i reli do .. even we having so many bad past.. i reli do treasure, cox i belive it not that easy to get special feeling toward sumone .even i know that alot of tin he dun suit with mi .. but i treasure all the tyme we being together n helping each other...but i know him for 2years soon liao ..but he n mi still dun understand each other... n quarrel until got into fight ..i reli cant bear with this ...wat should i do .. i reli losee nowww... i cant tin of anytin i can do ... or i should give myself sum tyme again n tin about it ... or like wat he say peace of tyme ..tyme break? isnt it the same ...haizz...im stress laaaa... no one can feel siak the feeling im having nowwww...i reli feel like killing myself ..n 1 more tin there no women will merajuk for notin !!haizz..im lost laaa... i reli dunoe...what shouldd i ddoooooo!im lost..tonight how ?actuli i hate drinking!cox i will get rashes n when wake up the head will pain !!!!but wat else i can do ..haiz;( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

i fail again..lol..tot nvr drink can go sleep ..still cant ... went to 7-eleven to drink ..now at home liao .. i tin soon i can sleep liao .. i hate my tyme nw ... drink n drink .. haiz... like wat i say oni drink i can have a good sleep.. good nyte my frens N good nyte to you azhar .

miss you;( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

i just reach home ..actually tot mitin my 2 childhood frens for a drink .. but end dun have ..cox they ask mi to clark key ..but i nvr go dwn .. far sia..skali naz came down to mit mi ..he know that im reli sad abt this all.. he came all over dwn batok by cab.. poor him wasted money on cab n treat mi makan n buy mi a small soft toy. lol=) with my small sisters all... i mean my sister fren .. all know that im dwn .. actuli he wanna to bring mi to play bowling.. but i nvr go la .. cox i dun wan to left my sister n the fren there ..cox they know im sad n wan to teman kat mi ..so after this n that we chill n i send him to take cab ..N then luckily jiaxin is here accpmy mi ..im reli scare to be alone..i start to scare when turn to nyte.. being alone at nyte all alone at my room ..but my eye now still not tired ..i cant sleep at all ..COx i nvr got to drink ..they dun allow siak .. n my childhood frens is at pub ... =( i still cant sleep now .. i really dunoe how lo ... haizzz..im werking morning later at 9am siak .. but nid to wake up at 8am to send my bro n later on send my daughter to skool ...then start werk ... mati arr... if i kip on like that ... im actually having a bad cough.. feel like goin to b sick siak .. hope not la .. i hate sia when sick n there no one here for accmpy mi by side ..haizz..n got a msg from naz .. i told him i start to tin n sedih again wen i reach my hm .. but when just now im out .. i dun reli tin anytin lo .. once i step in my house i have the sedih feeling again ..sobsob... feel like cryin again ..
but i nid to b strong ...i really nid people herefor mi now to support n cheer with mi .. everytyme macam ni sia .. tin happen i dunoe wat to do .. the oni tin i know is cry ... cry also no use ..cry my eye hurt .. haizz...ape lagi sia i can do ... oni i drink then i can have a good sleep sia.. seriouss... haizz.. i miss the kiss,hug,armpit smell,sharing blanket,the squeeze feeling,his chest n his snorin ... nvm la .. tin just happen so tyem oni can heal dwn everytin ...anyway tank for cinder n zul .. i will try be strong .. n now i can oni do is concentrate on my werk, pay attention on my belover daughter n Problems out, party in waste tyme to heal dwn ...i will b strong ..i must ..
N im really shock that when bth of my so call childhood frens told mi that they actuli like mi for sumtyme liao ...but i just told them i oni treat them like my buddy n bro .. no other feelig ..n i wont want to about it also ...im just so sorrii ...Sori naz ,even i know that u actuli being waitin for this day . but i still cant .. i just dun wan to have a new relationship or elsee ..im just sorrii ...

i miss you :( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

i remember when the last he want mi bk he force mi to give the answer .. n this tyme i force him to give mi answer ... but nvm .. watever it is we break off liao ...N im goin out soon ... just to chill n lax out everytin ..=)


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=( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

2 nights,he not with mi ..i started bk to drink..only to drink,then i can have a good sleep ..i know it sinful ..he also got told mi wat the outcum ..but i just dunoe wat to do anymore.. in this of tyme i just need someone to be my side ,care for mi, advise mi , tok to mi, accmpy mi ..last nyte i drink under my blk alone ..skali saw my old chinese godbro n ice... this bth is my childhood fren ... i tin we know more then 10year .. we mit bk at coffee shop n we drink togther ...tank for all that advise n accmpy ,listeing to mi n else...so how peoples is not in my shoes ... peoples wont understand how im feeling now .. im forcing myself to stand strong .. i hate when goin turn to nite.. cox i will be all alone in my room .. im so scare of the dark n alone..im lonely.. i hate this ..i have no one ..is just mi n my baby ..but my baby is sleepin with my mum in her room .. i know whatever it is .. tin already happen .. i cant rewind bk too ..so i nid to face it .. but i reli miss all so much .. morning kiss ,gd nyte kiss , the huggs , sleep on his chestt ,smell his umpit before i sleep, sleepin on the same bed togther having the squeeze feeling in my small bed ,sharing the blanket2gether,n his snoring ..we have been bk i tin been 8month ..so this 2 nyte without all that i really dun feel right n even make mi cant turn to sleep.. so i just drink as much as i can ,cox oni this can make mi have a good sleep .i know he dun like mi to drink ..can say i already Q when i with him .. but i just hope he can understand why am i doin this ..im sad :( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

I'm missing you baby :( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

im missing you ! :( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

this is the worst dream that i have it in my life..it really deep hurt inside my heart ..totally blank now in my mind .. notin i can tin .. everytin is just that worst dream .. my heart broke =(


After all these suffering,all i want is just love, pampered and being appreciated.Is it very demanding?
Somewhere far along this road ,She lost her soul :( “TheOnlyEllysha.”

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