Monday, November 17, 2008
i tin it been aweek ...i nvr write my blog ...juz a week there is too much things happening ..till i also dun belive it ..too much things ..til i cant think anymore ..i can feel that people reli misunderstand mi ..this whole week i reli dun feel gd ..xspecially after double o ..i tin people got misunderstandin ..but its ok ..wat i can say is, u all are not in my shoes ...u all wont understand how am i feeling now ... i admit im bitch ...aku sial ..all mi ..all on mi ...but wateva it is ..i still love my gf much ..watever happen krg always in my heart ... this msg is to CINDER,LILY,FIZA,SHILA,RINA,JULIA.
Ape nak skg jadi je ...i make it clear ...i did not choose anyone ?!i nid my own tyme to think ...i not yet choose anyone ..remember this in ur mind ...im feelin so piss ar...stress ar ...head pain for 2 day liao . today i nvr werk ...my head pain til i cant wakeup ..i dun noe why ...cant reli sleep well also ...now my head pain ...so just now went to polyclinic at bukit batok with naz..he teman mi ..n actuli jakpeng wan to pick mi bk kalau he go bk early ..but i told jakpeng naz teman mi ..after that go makan with him ... afternoon i ask my mum to pawn my gold ring siak ..bcox i dun have any money ...my mum scold mi ..cox she know i dun like to do that ..i will even scold if she do like that ...but this tyme i reli dun have anyone ..so i decided to go pawn...my gold ring at 100 siak ...go doctor 25 siak ...buy 2 packet of cigarette 10..total 35..my eyebrow 5...n eat ...In total all 50 dollar finish liao ..now i left 50 oni ..i reli hope can tahan til nxt month ..hope nxt month will b better not like this ...
reach hm at 6plus ..just now the doctor told mi ...dun think too much ..do sumtin that i can feel happy ...doctor say if not im goin to break down and might turn crazy ...n if serious end up i can stay at woodbridge siak ..i dun wan ar... so now ..no choice ...later before i go sleep ..i wan to eat ubat ...to let my mind relax ...reli too much tin to think of...family ,gf,relationship all not smooth ...wat shld i do ? i reli wanna to find my heaven ...i wan to be happy ..happy ...where my happines???
i reli blaming myself now ..kalau in the first place ..i wont cerai with my x hubby ...i wont b with mingfu ,n becum so confused..n after mingfu... trying to forget everytin ...i trying to give my all to jakpeng ..but there wen i try love dat jakpeng ,give him my everytin..but it seems dat he dun appreciate..he dun pay attention to mi ..dun show mi love n else ...end up i fuck ard ..i becum like this ten jakpeng wanna change mi ...why must like that ...its not 1 or 2 tyme i say to jakpeng ...tell him dun treat mi that way ,alot of tin ar...n lastly i told him if i got sum1 better n i feel happy with i will go .. nw tin bcum like this ..all people is putin the blame on mi ...im bitch n else ..i do know i got wrg ...but all this ...he make mi to do that ... ..and out of 10ppl ...2people oni know how im feeling now ...i feel sad ..serious ..im sad ...i sad til im out of word toward sum of my gf ..serious ...cox i know they dun reli understand wat is goin on ..tapi takpe la ..wat i say i already ..put all the blame on mi ...since after double o ..til now ..im being crying ...like cry baby siak ?!!!bodoh siak aku ?!!!bodoh...!?!!!!!hmhphhh?!!!!!!wat i nid now is tyme ...fuck all la ...my heart pain2 now ..my head also pain2 now . tyme heal it ...n Jakpeng told mi that nxt month he wana to go holiday with his fren ..he ask mi along ..he wanna to treat mi also ..but i say dun nid ..tq anyway ...n hope ..2moro will b better ....on ya yesterday he bring mi to a place ...n we tok...the place i ever go 1 tyme ...so romantic ...i do feel after all ..dun jakpeng think that sumtin is abit late ...haizzZZzzz..tyme ..tyme...tyme ...!!!!!!!!!!!grrr?!!!!!! think n think wat is the best for mi ...
IF FROM THE START U PAY ATTENTION TOWARD MI ..I DUN TINK THAT THINGS WILL HAPPEN THIS WAY ...DUN BLAME MI ..
